The Note
4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 54 votes, average: 3.75 out of 54 votes, average: 3.75 out of 54 votes, average: 3.75 out of 54 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5    3.8/5
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Today is Thursday night i sighed as i thought about it, i was tired i wanted to go home and rest i’ve been serving for the past 7hours no rest at all, i hate Thursdays i usually finish my shift at 9:30pm on Thursday nights which means i have to catch the late train that stops by at 10:15pm. The train station nearby is always empty at that time of the day so it’s not so pleasant waiting down there all alone for 45minutes.

I looked down at my watch the time was 9:12pm i got excited ‘’not long till we get outta here’’ my friend Kelly said with a grin, she was standing next to me crossing out orders , i smiled as soon as i opened my mouth to reply back to her , Tony walked in, Tony is our manager he called us all he said that he has an announcement to make we all gathered around him he looked at each of us with a sorry look on his face , he sighed as he spoke ‘’we wont be able to finish our shifts on time today because we have a lot of costumers waiting to be served, see you in an hour folks’’ he turned around and walked away, everyone started to complain to their friends i stood there staring at my watch Kelly walked over to where i was standing ‘’it’s okay marg i know your train comes 10:45 i’ll take you home on my way today woo!’’ i smiled back at her, i was relieved to hear that, she winked and went back to get the orders.

‘’it’s finally over woohoo’’ Kelly said, we laughed and rushed to her car, when we arrived to where she parked her car, she noticed a small piece of paper stuck on her car, i asked what was written on it Kelly smiled and said ‘’198’’ she then threw it away and unlocked her car. I felt so dizzy and tired i rested my head on the seat and closed my eyes.
20minutes later half way kelly’s car suddenly stopped working, She got out to see what was wrong i undone my seatbelt and just right before i open the car door i heard a loud scream i looked out the window to see what happened but i couldn’t see anything the street was empty dark and dead quiet i could hear my own heart beat. On both sides of the highway there were bushes i was shivering i wasn’t sure if it was cause i’m cold or is it because of what just happened,i dared myself to get out of the car and look for Kelly. I walked around the car looking for evidence looking for something that will lead me to Kelly i noticed blood stains on the ground i followed them and when i reached the last stain it was 2inchs away from the bush on the right side i looked down the hill at the bush but it was too hard to see anything i all i could see is trees after few seconds i heard noises but i couldn’t tell which direction it was coming from and that’s when i decided to make my way back to the car, i walked as fast as i could i just wanted this night to end, i placed my hand on the door handle and pulled it but the door wouldn’t open i tried breaking the window and get in the car thru the window but something stopped me i heard footsteps getting closer to where i was, i slowly turned my face and looked to my side but i couldn’t see anything the place soon became dead quiet again, the door still wouldn’t open no matter how hard i pull, i decided to walk perhaps run i didn’t care i would do anything to go home safely, i was walking really fast as fast as i could my feet were killing me i spent the last 8hours standing up, the further i go the darker it becomes i looked up at the sky there were no stars the moon was fading away behind a huge grey cloud..the sky looked dull it was filled with grey clouds. My hands were shivering it’s was freezing cold strange night we’re in the middle of summer I mumbled to myself.

I tried walking very fast avoiding everything behind me this road seems to have no end , i knew that i’ve been walking for a long time because i was sweating even though my whole body felt like an ice block, i ignored my painful feet, i just kept on walking i just wanted to reach the end of this road but soon i became thirsty the pain in my feet grew stronger i couldn’t walk anymore i collapsed on the ground, the place was still quite and dark i looked at the sky soon everything was fading and that’s when i closed my eyes.

I woke up, my mind was empty for a minute everything was blurry then i remembered everything that has happened i placed my hand on the ground to help me stand up i felt something underneath my hand i looked down it was a small piece of paper and with ‘’199’’ written on it.

NOTE: Excuse my grammar and spelling mistakes! thanks i hope you enjoyed reading my story :)




4 Responses so far.

  1. Nice and short with a great creep-factor! You already know about your grammatical and spelling issues. You have a knack for keeping it brief with just enough details to tell the story, but not overwhelm the reader.

  2. Andy says:

    I’m a bit confused about the note? Was that like the death toll of the monster or whatever?

  3. Avatar of Dina Dina says:

    William,
    Thanks for your time i really appreciate it, i see what you mean and i agree with you but i’ll work harder on my next story please bare with me ,i guess it takes time :] but either way thank youu for the sweet comment.

    Andy,
    Nope it’s not a monster pretty much a killer even though it was my fault for not focusing on that part, but thank you for pointing that out!

  4. Avatar of Andreea Andreea says:

    Wow! Good! I enjoyed this very much ;) I personal like these kinds of story with a note which “tells” the next…victim. It gives the story a creppy side and so much suspense! And it is like “To be continued…” I totally love it! :)

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