The Devil Part 1

Suspense Stories | Jun 7, 2013 | 2 min read
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Suspense Stories

The Devil Part 1

That day at school, Derek (age 12) told everyone that Eddy got a 60% on his math exam. Derek didn't do his homework the night before, and copied off of someone else right before class. After class, he tripped someone in the hallway. They fell, dropping all of their books. At lunch, Derek cut the line, and got his lunch first.

That night at his house, Derek got up from the dining room table. He'd eaten until he was full of baked potatoes, cornbread, and steak. He walked into the bathroom and reached for his toothbrush. He gripped it, and squirted on some toothpaste. But before he put the brush to his teeth, he spotted something in the mirror out of the corner of his eye. It was standing right behind him. Derek spun around, and came face-to-face with a creature an inch taller than him, with red skin, no ears, and two rows of sharp, white teeth. The creature growled, and rasped, "You have been a horrible boy, Derek, and now I, the Devil, shall take you with me."

Derek screamed, and the red-skinned creature grabbed him. Then, they both disappeared into a black mist.

The next day, Luke, (age 12) Derek's best friend, wondered where Derek was. He searched every school hallway looking for Derek. Luke brushed back his blond hair as he trekked down the art hallway, past paintings of motorcycles, beaches, and sculptures of all sorts of things. He stopped, and stared at a gray clay sculpture of a man. Luke reached into his pocket, and pulled out his sharpie. It was time to do some mischievous doodling on this sculpture.

But then, the sculpture man reached out with a clay arm, and grabbed Luke's shoulder. "Aaahhh!" Luke screamed, and backed away. The clay man got onto its hands and knees, and crawled across the floor towards him. Luke frantically kicked it several times in the chest. The clay man shattered into grayish clay fragments. Luke backed down the art hallway. The painting he stopped next to showed a close-up of a silver, furry wolf with long fangs.

A second later, the wolf leaped out of the painting, and landed in front of Luke, growling, its silver fur rippling. It started toward Luke, but Luke grabbed a nearby trash can lid, and struck it on its back. The wolf melted into a puddle of silvery-white paint on the floor. He'd had enough. This was the work of something monstrous.

If only Luke knew that the Devil was standing right behind him, its red skin and white teeth glinting in the ceiling lights. Suddenly, all of the lights in the school were shut off. Luke was left in complete darkness with the Devil right behind him.
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Derek Jul 23, 2013

Christian, Good attempt. I applaud your enthusiasm and hope you keep honing your craft. I do have just a couple note? 1. Don'ttell the story, SHOW the story. More active verbs draw the reader in and allow them to interact with the characters more vividly.

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