Paperwork

Others Stories | Nov 13, 2011 | 6 min read
144 Votes, average: 4 out of 5
 

 

 

"Yeah, I tell you I found Jake that way," Chet proudly stated over the phone.

 

 

 

Feet on the desk and swinging the chair to and fro, Chet continued: "Mmmm-hmmm, yeah, choked to death and a full-sized stapler sticking right out of his ass. Must've pissed someone off big time."

 

 

 

He reached for his coffee and downed the last few cold drops. His eyes scanned the office until he found what he was looking for.Chet balled up a piece of paper and tossed it across the room -- where it struck a thin, sickly-looking man straightening up a desk. Ernst looked over as Chet tapped his empty coffee mug with a pencil.

 

 

 

"Be a pal and get me some coffee, Ernst … and oh … cream, no sugar."

 

 

 

Ernst loped over and grabbed the mug and turned toward the coffee station.

 

 

 

"Yeah, PAL … Personal Ass Licker," Chet snickered into the phone. Muffled laughter could be heard through the receiver that rested against Chet's ear as he continued swaying in his chair.

 

 

 

"You should see this guy, thin as a rail, and about as nerdy as they come."

 

 

 

Chet unfolded a paperclip and started bending it into a little wire piece of art. "I don't know, it seems he's been here forever. Doesn't do anything but gopher work. I don't think they pay him much, but he keeps showing up. Must be about fifty and still rides a bicycle to work every day. Not a nice modern bike either. Geez, I think he stole it off of the Flintstones."

 

 

 

Another round of laughter made Chet move the phone a little from his ear.

 

 

 

"The police have been here interviewing everyone for the last week." Chet listened intently as his eyes stared at his fingers bending the little wire.

 

 

 

"No, no, nothing at all. They had me in the back office for at least an hour drilling me." He paused as he listened again. "Yeah, I think it was because I was next in line for his job. Between me and you, I'm glad he's gone ‘cause it's a freakin' sweet job."

 

 

 

He jumped a little bit as Ernst set the coffee cup down on his desk.Chet looked up at Ernst and gave him a smug grin. "Thanks, pal." Yet another round of subdued laughter could be heard out of the earpiece as Ernst shuffled away.

 

 

 

"Had everyone in that back room for at least half an hour, except Ernst. He was only in there a couple minutes before he came strolling back out. Jake had been a big guy."

 

 

 

Another pause. "You know the type, went to the gym every day before work and the smart bastard billed it all to the company, and they paid it! Do you believe that ballsy son of a bitch? Well, the cops figured it took at least two guys to handle ol' Jake. I know I wouldn't have wanted to fuck with him."

 

 

 

Chet looked over at Ernst, who had moved to straightening another desk.

 

 

 

"I've got a few more things I need to look into," Chet said, glancing up at the wall clock, "and damn, it's already almost six." Chet put his feet on the floor as he listened. "Mmmm-hmmm. I'll be there in an hour. Save me a seat. Later, dude."

 

 

 

Hanging up the phone, he looked over at Ernst."Damn, everybody gone?"

 

 

 

Ernst stopped his paper shuffling and looked over to Chet."Yes sir, the place clears out at five mostly."

 

 

 

Up until two days ago, Chet would have been already perched on a bar stool at the sports pub with a cold beer by this time. " How late you stay?"

 

 

 

"About six, sir. That gives me time to clean up. Mother is coming for me and we're going out to dinner."

 

 

 

"Hey, do you think you could find another place to park your bike? It's kinda embarrassing chained out front like that. It looks like we are hiring the homeless." Chet picked up his cup and took a swig, instantly spewing it back into the cup and getting a few drops onto his shirt. "Son of a bitch!" he howled. "This is a Forzieri, goddammit! Thing cost me about two hundred bucks! It's Italian!"

 

 

 

Ernst came running over with a paper towel. Snatching it from Ernst's hands, Chet demanded, "Gimme that! What the fuck did you put sugar in my coffee for? I told you no sugar. No sugar! Are you fuckin' stupid? You better hope it doesn't stain. I'll make sure it comes out of your check!"

 

 

 

"I'm sorry, sir. I thought you said sugar," Ernst wheezed.

 

 

 

"Just get away from me, please! Why don't you get on your Yabba Dabba Doo bike and get the fuck out of here. We'll discuss if you have a job tomorrow with the higher-ups. Incompetent piece of shit!"
Ernst backed off, his shoulders stooped, and walked away.

 

 

 

Chet went to the water cooler, dampened the paper towel and dabbed the widening coffee spot. Then he decided to leave the stain to a professional. "Old Man Wong should be able to get this out."He chuckled lightly at the thought of Wong saying, "No ticky, no shirty."

 

 

 

Settling back at his desk, Chet reached into the basket on the corner and grabbed the short stack of papers. He began separating them into three piles. "What do we need him around here for anyway?" he mumbled to himself."Get rid of him and make everybody clean their own stations. Hell, they'll probably show me a little more respect for saving them money."

 

 

 

 

 

Picking up a stack, he tapped the edges until they lined up and he paperclipped them together. Likewise with the second stack. As he tapped the third stack, he realized he was out of clips and looked over at the small gallery of wire art he had created over the course of the day.Reaching beside the basket for the stapler, he found it empty.

 

 

 

"Where the hell's the stapler?' Chet muttered.

 

 

 

"Right here," whispered a voice from behind him.

 

 

 

 

 

Ernst reached for the phone and called the police. He was distressed to find Chet this way. He would have to call Mom and tell her to cancel their dinner plans. She would be upset. Second time he had to cancel. He had thought he heard her come in earlier, but that was before he had found … well, it wasn't his fault she was late again.

 

© 2011 Jerry W. McKinney

 

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Reviews

Chanchal Nov 17, 2011

Glad you enjoyed the tale nicely written .....

Crazy Nov 16, 2011

Nice one.. like the style

Amit Nov 14, 2011

really great story. complete entertainment dose.. i like it.

Rob Read Nov 13, 2011

Great story. I've known a few people like Chet. Hmmmm...

Lori R. Lopez Nov 13, 2011

This is a fun story, nicely written and humorously delivered. It makes getting papercuts seem like child's play! :)

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