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“Are you sorry for what you’ve done?” It asked.
“No,” Jack replied. “I am not sorry.”
The corners of it’s mouth twisted into a slight smirk. Â ”You would do it again, if given the chance?”
“Yes.” Jack said firmly.
It nodded. “Tell me your story. From the beginning.”
“Will it change anything?” Jack asked. “Will I be able to go with Gwen?”
“Gwen? The human female beside you?” it asked, turning it attention in Gwen’s direction. Intriguing, it thought. She believes he deserves to be here.
Jack nodded.
“I need to be aware of your crimes before I can give judgment.”
“Tell it Jack,” Gwen whispered “it’s the only way for you to be absolved-”
“This isn’t about absolution, mortal!” it interrupted, fixing it’s gaze on Gwen. “This is about punishment. I need to know the nature of his crimes, the conditions. Though I already know what you believe. You have already decided his guilt, haven’t you?”
Gwen paused, attempting to swallow the hard lump of fear that had formed in her throat. “I have.” she said quietly.
It looked at Jack, reading his expression. He is hurt, it thought. Â His love for her is unconditional, yet she doesn’t feel that way. She believes too strongly in the hypocrisy of her religion. “Tell me your story, from the beginning.” it repeated, returning it’s gaze in Jack’s direction.
“I met Gwen when we were 17,” Jack said. “I knew from the beginning that I wanted to marry her. She was the only one that I wanted. The only one I needed. She was everything to me.”
It nodded.
“Gwen, was a beautiful girl. Naturally, I was not her only admirer. A boy named Rhys had long ago set eyes on her, though Gwen didn’t return his feelings.”
“Go on.” it said.
“Shortly after Gwen and I wed, this boy began coming ’round…more and more often. Gwen repeatedly asked him to stop, but he didn’t. One night, he followed us home after dinner, stalking about in the shadows. We were just about home when he yelled out, behind us. I turned to see who had called and the next thing I knew, everything went black.”
“You were hit?” it asked.
“Yes.” Jack said. “I wasn’t sure how long I was unconscious but as I came to, I heard Gwen’s screams. I looked around, trying to find the direction of her voice. I finally found them behind the barn. Gwen was bleeding, and her dress was torn. She had been raped.”
Gwen whimpered in pain from the memory. “Silence!” it said. “Let him continue. Your emotions will have no bearing on my decision.”
“I screamed at him to get away from her,” Jack continued, “but he just looked at me and smiled. As he got up he laughed at me and then turned and spit on her face. I had never felt such rage. I grabbed him, knocking him to the ground. I just wanted him to stop laughing…and he wouldn’t. I picked up a rock that had been lying next to the fence, and I hit him in the head with it. I watched the blood trickle from his mouth but, my rage was too much. I couldn’t stop. I just kept hitting him, over and over with the rock. I didn’t realize what I had done until I heard Gwen pleading, telling me to stop, that I was killing him. It was already too late. I had killed him.”
“I had only wanted to protect her,” Jack said, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I loved her with every fiber of myself.”
“Were you punished by the law of your land?” it asked Jack, it’s voice softening slightly.
“No,” Jack said. “It was looked at as self defense. I was free for the remainder of my life.”
It looked at Gwen, narrowing it’s eyes. “And you believe he should be punished? For protecting you?”
“He took the life of one of God’s children.” Gwen cried. “It’s a sin! It’s the worst kind of sin. He knew that! He read the bible….he knew.”
Stepping from the shadows it walked towards Gwen. It brought it’s face within inches of hers, forcing her to look into it’s coal black eyes. “You are a hypocrite,” it spat. “That man was going to kill you both. He saved you and he is willing to spend an eternity in damnation having done so. Never once did he think of himself. Only you!”
Gwen fell to her knees. “I’m sorry.” she cried. “I didn’t know.”
“Neither did he, you fool! But he thought only of you! Never of himself.” It said, looking down at her, it’s voice dripping in disgust.
Gwen began to sob violently, she turned to where Jack had stood, but he was no longer there. “Where is he?” she screamed, “what have you done with him?”
“I’ve given him a second chance.”
“You mean, he will get to go with me? He won’t have to stay here?”
It smiled. “No, he doesn’t have to stay here…but he won’t be going with you, either. I’ve given him a second chance at life. A second chance at love. You will see him again. But he won’t remember you. He will never remember this life he had with you. He’ll love another, worthy of his love.”
It laughed. “I can’t punish you, though I wish I could. You had the unconditional love of a man, and you squandered it with harsh judgments and hypocrisy. But your judgment is left to another. GO!” it screamed.
Gwen continued to sob as she rose upward, descending towards the heavens.
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I liked “it” very much. Nice work and I must admit I didnt feel much sympathy for her in the end either.
Wow. Great imagination and detail.
Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to comment
Yet another amazing story from the mind of Diana…
Thank you !
It’s a creative story, but the dialogue seems a little unnatural. It just doesn’t sound like how people would speak. Work on that a bit and you have a good little story here.
Thanks
I’ll take that into consideration for next time.
really too good. awesome story.
A good story, I like the thinking behind it.Always difficult with flash fiction (I know) but perhaps the creature, demon? could have been fleshed out just a little more. Maybe, thoughtfully scratching his scaly head, or idly picking detritus from his jagged teeth. occasionally farting into the abyss
I didn’t even think about the look of the beast but S.K. Adams, thats some very good feedback.
I thought about that in the beginning but, I was afraid that it might detract from the subject matter. Like if I described the “it” too much, “it” would become the center of the story, rather than the focus being on the judgments made…and then I was also afraid that when it’s tone softened and it began to identify a bit with the man being judged, that it would be harder to digest if it were some massive hellbeast.
But I do see where you’re coming from, and in all honesty, you may be right. It could have stood to be described more. To sort of paint more of a picture of what exactly was doling out the punishments
Oh, I forgot to say thank you as well. I do appreciate all comments that I get, even criticism. It helps me grow and improve. So even if I write something that’s total crap, I want to be told. So I can figure out where I went wrong and how to fix it in the future
Thank you, just thinking out loud. Erm, it occurs to me that you may have got your nom de plume’s in a pickle
Wow great story the whole time I was reading I pictured ”It” as the red devil creature from legend, and at the end when she descends towards the heavens it all came together in my mind. Great story and word play
Wow.. Just… Wow that story was great I loved how “it” was just a mystery person thingy
Loved the story. I think you did a wonderful job with the “it”. I believe leaving the “it” to the imaginations of the readers helps them connect with the story more. We all have a different notion of what “it” is, so to leave that open to interpretation only enhances the story.